01 June 2011

On Weaning and Teacher's Gifts


Hello all, I hope you are well! I've enjoyed reading your opinions as to where we should move.
London, huh? (Really? With kids??) Well, I'll let you know once we've figured it out (luckily we
still have some time until we need to make that decision... )

But on to other things. Fé had her last day of kerho (playschool/club) today. The kids had a little
performance, such cuteness!, and Fe got to be princess Rosebud (ah happiness!).
At the end of it, the kids had cookies and juice and were genereally happy and excited to be
soon sent off into summer vacation.

(The fun ended when one snotnose took away what Fe deemed her own toy, and well,
it all ended in somewhat of a meltdown and we ended up leaving early. Oh well.)

Anyway, Fé gave two of her signature cups to her teachers, based on drawings she had made
of them earlier. (I had asked her to draw her teachers, and she drew an elephant and a giraffe...)

But I wanted to talk about something else, too. Rememer snotnose from above? The one who
took away Fe's toys? Well, I was doing a pretty good job judging her parents, for being
completely incompetent at handling the situation,when it occurred to me that I am completely
incompetent myself when it comes to another parenting situation:


Weaning, I don't get it, I can't do it. I'm unable to. How do all the nursing moms on this planet
DO it? I didn't manage to wean Fe until she was almost two years old, and it was only after a long
and painful process for both of us, and after reading every available book written on the topic.
Moms keep telling me stories of how their babies just "stopped" nursing, all by themselves,
at one point or the other, and I look down on the little wolverine hanging on my breast, and know,
just KNOW, that that is never going to happen for us.

I am a life-size pacifier.

I'm frustrated. I'm tired of getting up 10 times at night. I want my body back to myself. I want  OUT!


(And whoa, it's June... how did that happen! And why are we still wearing hats and coats?!)

PS We need one.


Unknown said...

Hmm.. I started giving Emma bottle after every feed and she realized that the bottle was much easier so she stopped in a month and just wanted the bottle. That's how it worked for us. But good luck to it, you deserve some sleep!

Christina said...

Haha, I love the "nursing wolverines" label!
Isobel pretty much weaned himself (she was never a very strong nurser to begin with) but with Jude it was harder. I got him down to one feeding a day, no problem. And when I stopped altogether he didn't seem to mind but I was in PAIN for a few days. I don't really have any advice to offer except ibuprofin and some alone time.

Yanyan said...

oh you poor thing, i could relate to how you feel about nursing. What I did with Landon was to start weaning little by little, first skip one feeding during the day, replace that time with bottle, did for week or two depends how your body feels, then skip another feeding...then another... it took a few months to finally get him off my breasts but it was the best option for him and me, it worked for us. All the best!!

Kate said...

You know already that I don't have a solution for you, just sympathy.... even empathy. I wouldn't be surprised if the night time change had to be as drastic as it was last time. Sorry to say that but I'm bracing myself for that anyways. It's much easier to do a slow process with the day time routine, in my opinion anyway. So strength to you sister, you can do it, both of you!

Nina said...

Little wolverines would make me stop it directly without any bad conscience. I'm pretty sure about that even I can't really talk about it ;).

Tracey said...

eek. Can't help you. I'm a bitch when it comes to sleep. It's my easiest time to ignore them. Mine kinda did it on their own about 10 months and 11 months but probably because i was split feeding by then with a bottle too. As they were happily eating the same food as me by then too I refused any milk at night too. Just gave bottle of water instead.

Do you know about baby led weaning? ie. as in food?As in you never need to give them puree stuff? I think that really helped mine too.

Feeling for you Isa. xx

Tracey said...

Sorry...way too many 'too's' in there!!

Isa said...

Thanks everyone for the tips! Getting rid of feedings during the day is doable, as I can distract her easily with activities, food, etc. It's the night-times that are the main problem. She will scream for 3 hours straight and won't let anything or anybody comfort her (daddy is so out right now.)

Tracey, yes, I know baby-led weaning! In fact this is what we've been doing ever since the little one turned 6 months old and we started solids. I did it because weaning Fe was a pain in the butt and I waned something easier this time around. Well hmpf. While it worked like a charm in terms of introducing her to solids (she loves food and will eat everything!), it didn't do anything for us in terms of weaning. Her nursing has actually increased, rather than decreased, in the last few months... I'm doing something wrong.... !

(And there she is now standing next to me, pointing at my boobies. Haha. Better be off.)

Anonymous said...

Hi, I had that situation with Emmi too, when she was 10 months old. She had been very restless during breastfeeding since 7 months and we got little sleep and she wanted to be next to me all night and woke up 10 times minimi... frustrating!! She didn't want to eat almost any other food, she wouldn't take the pacifier or the bottle - ONLY the breast.. I had a hard time knowing when and how to stop, because she was VERY sad if she didn't get the breast. Well for three months I struggled, but couldn't bring myself to stop, because she would be so devastated... Then I came to a point when I was so tired and fed up with the whole thing (and I usually love nursing!) that I one night just did't give her the breast, and she had to stay in her crib (next to my bed)... She screamed for 1 hour until she fell asleep, and woke up many times during night and screamed long times :( I was on the verge of giving up, but didn't.... At day she didn't want any food, but I didn't give her the breast either - she just HAD to cope!!! Next night she only screamed 1/2 hour until she fell asleep and woke up only 2 times... Next day she ate real food - hungry as she was... And next night it took 15 minutes and we could sleep the whole night, FINALLY!!! I made sure though, that she didn't feel abandoned, I soothed her with my hand and talked in a calm voice all the time, so she knew I was there, that's important I think!

The thing is that we had come to a point where she was tired and restless during the days, because she didn't sleep well at night, and I was a bad mother, exhausted as I was, so I just knew, we HAVE to stop this :( It took 4 days and 4 nights of real nervwracking struggle, but then we could sleep and I could be a good mother again, and she was MUCH more calm during the days because she slept really well... We both needed the change!

I'm not saying it's the same for you or you should do this... It's just that this was my way, and I didn't have another option.. Maybe you can get something out of it..? :)

Good luck, and hope it's easier for you!! :)

Henry said...

Hmmm, Sophia sort of weaned herself as well - meaning she was interested in drinking from other sources than the boob, and at night I simply started to make her wait a little longer for a feeding to cut out night-feedings (at first I'd let her wait maybe 10 minutes, then 20, then 30 etc.) - slowly getting her used to going longer. However, I started that fairly early (like around 10 months?) and she was only waking up 1-2 at night anyway to eat. So, I don't know...She never slept through the night completely (like sleeping a 12-hour stretch) until I quit nursing.

I think when someone seems that attached, as Sisie apparently is, you can always try something gradual. But, I think if I were you, I'd probably opt for the cold-turkey version. It seems harsh and cruel, but from what you described, it'd probably be less cruel overall, because the agony is hopefully over quickly and not drawn out forever. If she will drink milk or whatever you give her fine during the day from a bottle/sippy cup, going cold turkey may be a real (tough) option. Dunno...good luck.

I think weaning has a lot to do with personality and personal interests. I think it's far less of a 'parenting skill'. Some babies simply don't care about the boobs as much or are naturally willing/interested in something else. Others aren't. Some moms can take the year long nursing, others go crazy...So, I wouldn't feel bad. Although, I know I'd go crazy with that much nursing at night. I just had to feed my little baby twice this night, and already started "wondering" what is wrong that she needs to nurse "so much" this night. Hahaha...I'm such a loser!

sarafiina said...

Oh baby, I don't have any advice for you. Minni and Noomi have been prettye asy to wean, just gradually added solids and gave the pacifier at night. But Leni's another story, you know she won't take the pacifier and lately she's been bad with solids during the day too... You know your "problem" is you don't want to let your baby cry. And that's a very good quality, not all moms have it. So it takes some tricks and figuring out how to do this. Have you tried letting J be with her at night, you going someplace else completely for the night? (Come stay with us! :D) My mom told me the first night I slept through the night was the first night she was away... I guess I just knew it wasn't worth it to wake up :D

Etefel said...

I also got frustrated at nursing. And now it's been 2 weeks. Wuhuu! So you can do it too. I did it slowly, trying to let him get used to the idea. And finally when he still wanted to be nursed I just told him (this was during the day time though): My breasts don't produce milk for you anymore. Now it's time to take the bottle. And he listened. And that was it!

Pamela said...

I still nurse Marta several times a day/night, and I don't see us stopping anytime soon... And we've tried basically every trick in the book too. Right now I've decided to try to not nurse her daytime, and not care so much about the nights. I'll deal with them... later.

But nights are pretty awful.

Heli said...

i hate weaning (hated both times). i wish it was as simple as people make it sound. i nursed my kids until around 2 years old and i think that your comparison to wolverines is apt. my sorry advice is that you just have to go through an annoying period, which you only can go through after really deciding that nursing has to go.

but i love them gift mugs.

Isa said...

Heli, I think you said it all.

d. said...

you are not alone:-) and it feels good to read all the comments, too! i am still nursing and babyboy is now 15 months old and there is no end near. my mother nursed me for three years.
i love nursing, so much and it is so hard on the other side. every time i am trying it with weaning he is nursing more often.
i have no idea and am just trying to relax with it as it is.
much love and energy!

Constanze Fruth, Designerin, Fotografin said...

Liebe Schlitzohren Mama, es ist so nett wenn jemand anders, irgendwo auf der Welt eine gleiche Idee hat. Ok, das ist jetzt nichst neues Porzellan anzupinseln, aber super witzig. Habe einfach lächeln müssen als ich diesen Post gelesen habe. Liebe Grüsse, Constanze

Mein gewisses Etwas said...

Tja, was soll ich zu dem Still-Thema sagen .. Ich glaube, es gibt kein Baby, was wirklich so ganz freiwillig dem lebenden Nucki entsagt. Jedes Baby wird auf die eine oder andere Art und Weise darauf aufmerksam gemacht, dass es das nicht die nächsten 18 Jahre machen sollte.

Das haben wir auch gemacht. Ich fand nämlich auch, dass es nicht normal ist, wenn man stündlich angesaugt wird. Irgendwo fehlt doch da der wirkliche Sinn, oder? Du solltest Dein Kind ernähren und nicht als Nucki dienen. Meine Meinung! Also habe ich dem kleinen Mädchen klar gemacht, dass das so nicht geht. Irgendwo muss ich auch noch als Mensch existieren können und das kann ich nicht, wenn ich keine 2 Stunden am Stück schlafen kann. Das kleine Mädchen war zum Glück nicht so hartnäckig und hat den Konsum schon nach der 2. Nacht drastisch reduziert und hat dann mit 6 Monaten von heute auf morgen beschlossen, dass durchschlafen auch seinen Reiz hat.

Nimmt denn Dein kleiner Sauger einen Nucki oder nur Dich? Wenn es nur Dich hat, weiß ich leider keinen Rat. Nimmt sie aber andere Sauger, würde ich ihr jede Nacht wieder eindringlich zeigen, dass das so nicht geht. D.h. nicht ewig schreien lassen, aber einfach mal nicht sofort reagieren, sondern ihr zeigen, dass das hier nur nach Deinen Regeln läuft.

Ansonsten kann ich Dich soooo gut verstehen und wünsche Dir alles Gute für die nächste Zeit, Sindy